I have sat here starring and crying at my laptop for what feels like hours, not sure how to type or what to say, its hard enough to feel at the moment.
How do you think and function with such shocking news? When the world around you changes and you can not control it or fix it.
Can't I just stay numb and in a state of shock? I don't want to accept or imagine life without my Grandma in it.

The last few nights I have not been sleeping, thinking, praying, talking to my Grandma. Thinking of my Grandpa, my beautiful grandparents. Being so far away from my Grandma and my family has been so hard, constantly worrying about what is going on, wanting to know if anything has changed? is she awake to talk too? is she better? Not knowing is scary. I asked my Grandma last night repeatedly to please give me a sign if she was to pass. I needed to feel her presence one more time.

Tonight when I heard the news I was at a friends house, honestly I don't even remember the drive home or how I got home. Its as if I was absent for a while. That is until I got home....

I walked up the drive to hear the kids playing out the back with Dave. Walking in the front door I heard a sound coming from in the dinning room. That's odd I thought, everyone is out back. As I glanced over to the dinning table to see what was making the sound, I was shocked to see a little black bird just sitting there on the back of my dinning room chair, as if it was waiting for me to come home.
We just watched each other for a moment and then she tried to fly out the window. The boys came in all excited to see a bird in the house, they were running around and laughing. It was as if their Gwanny was having one last play with her great grandbabies.

Dave caught her with a towel as she flapped her way to the front door and was free, gone just like that.....

If anyone knows my Grandma, she loved collecting little bird figures. It was quite often something we would give her for a gift, the last little bird I gave her was a small black paper mache bird.

I am so glad my Grandma visited with me tonight!

Hold on and don't let go, bury your nose in their hair and smell the life that lives!
You can never give to many cuddles or say I love you enough!